Jaws
Here's the problem as the movie presents it: There's a shark in the water and it's eating people. Here's the solution as I see it: Don't go in the water.
If there weren't rampant stupidity in the world, there wouldn't be movies like "Jaws," the 1975 film by Steven Spielberg that was the highest grossing movie of all-time until "Star Wars" and "E.T." claimed the title in succession.
Here's the problem as the movie presents it: There's a shark in the water and it's eating people. Here's the solution as I see it: Don't go in the water. Naturally, the next thing you know, the entire town of Amity is in the water, which is kind of like drinking the contents of your gas tank and going inside your burning house to take a pee. Even the protagonist, Sheriff Brody (Roy Scheider), a transplanted New Yorker who's afraid of the water, ends up splashing about. Fine, I'll root for the shark.
Director Steven Spielberg sends out Brody, shark expert Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) and boat captain Quint (Robert Shaw), a man with an Ahab complex so extreme that he considers defrosting fishsticks to be a test of his manhood. At this point it seems reasonable to ask, "Has anybody heard of an elephant gun?" Brody is out there shooting at the shark with what looks like a cap pistol while Hooper and Quint are comparing scars.
Imagine the hero Brody would have been if he had thrown Hooper and Quint overboard and taken the boat back to dry land: He would have saved himself from having to land a lucky shot while perched perilously on a sinking mast, and would have saved millions from having their brains devoured by "Mr. Holland's Opus."
To spread the word about this Jaws review on Twitter.
To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.
Rate This Movie:
Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy
- Login to post comments
- Email this page
Man shows up with a spear in his head
How to tell you are having a really bad day.
Wed Apr 1, 11:47 pm ET
SAO PAULO – A Brazilian man who came to a hospital with a spear stuck in his head after a diving accident says he is done with underwater fishing.
Three days after doctors surgically removed a spear from his brain, Emerson de Oliveira Abreu says "never more" will he get back into the water to fish with spears.
Abreu is in stable condition and expected to be released in 10 days.
Abreu told Globo TV on Wednesday that he felt "a sharp pain" after his shot apparently ricocheted off a rock and entered his head just above his left eye.
He said the pain was unbearable every time he touched the spear or when the ambulance hit bumps in the road on the way to the hospital.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090402/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/lt_brazil_spear_in...
{;-) Dan in Miami
PS: This guy could have made a fortune in a freak show
- Login to post comments
-
Shark bait casting call
This seems to be for real. From Craigslist:
We will be filming reenactments this Tuesday, May 25th in Miami for a Discovery Channel Shark Week show about shark attacks. We need the following actors. Please respond only if you fit one of the descriptions below, as we are looking for actors who resemble the real people.
Attack victim #1- Female, caucasian. Age 50-60. Shoulder length dark brown/redish hair. Roughly a size 8. MUST BE A STRONG SWIMMER.
Attack victim #2- Male, caucasian. Age 25-30. Short brown hair.
Attack victim #3- Male, caucasian. Age 30-35. Shaved head.
Please respond with the following information:
Full name
Clothing sizes
Photo
Contact info
- Location: Miami
- Compensation: TBD
- Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
- Please, no phone calls about this job!
- Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
PostingID: 1752877242
http://miami.craigslist.org/mdc/tfr/1752877242.html
{;-) Dan in Miami
- Login to post comments
-
Would I qualify
with only the top of my head shaved?
- Login to post comments
-
Speaking of shark-bait
Perhaps it's the Hoff (the other Hoff):
- Login to post comments
-