Judge Dredd

Bomb Rating: 

If Stallone's the biggest guy in this world of lawlessness, that means that some futuristic catastrophe must have shrunk everybody else to less than five feet tall.

Here's the thing about Sylvester Stallone: Everybody knows he's a midget. So if Stallone's the biggest guy in this world of lawlessness, that means that some futuristic catastrophe must have shrunk everybody else to less than five feet tall. To me, this alarming midget epidemic is a much greater problem than whether society has adopted some right-wing legal system where wacko cops apprehend, judge and execute people faster than they can eat a doughnut.

As a supporter of massively over-aggressive criminal justice systems (like Singapore's, where when a kid steals a candy bar the government chops off his father's head), I think that "Judge Dredd" holds some important lessons for our own system of law enforcement.

For example, it should be a law that when a criminal has a gun pointed at the back of a cop, the criminal be required to scream maniacally just before he shoots. That gives the cop time to turn around and blast the criminal to bits with his fifty-million-rounds-a-second, super-duper automatic weapon. In addition, when killing criminals, cops should be required to flex a lot.

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