Keeping the Faith

Bomb Rating: 

Do we need any more movies featuring Ben Stiller sleeping with anybody? Do I have to say this over and over again? You couldn't compel more people to run for the bathrooms if you served bad fish.

There should be some sort of law against romantic comedies being more than two hours long. Even if I were happy for Ben Stiller that he's poking Jenna Elfman, that occurs very briefly in the first moments of their fling. An hour later, I'd like to see Ben get injured in some sort of hideous flying yarmulke accident.

This excruciating amount of unnecessary footage gives one all sorts of time to think about things one ought not be thinking about during a film, like why that damn second hand moves so damn slow and why can't God design a testicle hair that doesn't poke? Why does Jenna Elfman look tan enough to be Sidney Poitier's daughter? Is there a cream they apply for that look? I mean, there's regular tan and then there's "I've been sitting in one of those booths for the last ten years" tan. She has the latter.

And what's the deal with rabbis? Father Brian Finn (Edward Norton) and Rabbi Jacob Shram (Ben Stiller) are best friends. They used to have a third best friend in Anna Reilly (Jenna Elfman), who comes back to New York for the first time in 16 years. Rabbi Jacob promptly sleeps with her. Whom did God screw over there? Isn't it the God of the Old Testament who's vengeful? Why do the Rabbis get to sleep with the shiksas? Here's Brian believing in the New Testament God while Rabbi Jacob is screwing Anna. Who got the raw end of the deal there? Is that a sign that religion is screwed up or what?

And do we need any more movies featuring Ben Stiller sleeping with anybody? Do I have to say this over and over again? You couldn't compel more people to run for the bathrooms if you served bad fish. Incidentally, this is Edward Norton's first attempt at directing. Here are two words you need to learn, Ed: editing machine. Do us all a favor.

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