Quentin Tarantino should consider taking Economics 101. He'd learn there's a reason the martial arts DVDs sit unwanted in the bargain bin at Blockbuster like one-legged orphans. There's a reason the clerk's main selling point for "Eight Diagram Pole Fighter" is that "you can always use the DVD as a coaster."

The irony? Tarantino was that clerk! Fast-forward 20 years and he's made his very own markdown candidate, "Kill Bill: Volume 1." Even worse, he wrote a script so lengthy that ripples were actually felt in the attention span of Michael Cimino. With "Volume 2" due out next year, we'll get not one, but two films of blood-gushing entertainment, and two opportunities to give Miramax our hard-earned $8.50 so the Weinsteins can supersize their Happy Meals.

The Bride (Uma Thurman) is an assassin who tries to leave her employer, Bill (David Carradine), and is left for dead by her former co-workers. When she emerges from a coma (and discovers she's been groped more than a Schwarzenegger personal assistant), one thing is on her mind: revenge. First up: Vernita Green (Vivica A. Fox). Second up: O-Ren Ishi (Lucy Liu). You know The Bride is pissed because she wants to take out Lucy Liu more than the financiers of "Charlie's Angels 2" do.

Revenge includes knife fights, sword fights, decapitations, martial arts and enough spurting blood to fill the gaping holes in Thurman and Ethan Hawke's separation agreement. There certainly are some swift kicks in "Kill Bill," most of which hit the audience right between the eyes.