Kissing Jessica Stein

Bomb Rating: 

Let's face it -- if men would learn to use their tongues a little better, there'd be a lot less bisexuality among women. Unfortunately, people like Jessica Stein (Jennifer Westfeldt) are stuck being courted by the dullest men in the world, like her boss and former beau Josh Meyers (Scott Cohen), who is probably as prone to giving oral sex as he is to eating pork cereal or licking those large $3.50 stamps with the nasty-tasting glue. In fact, Josh is that guy at the post office who makes everyone wait an extra five minutes by insisting that the clerk moisten all the stamps by hand with the little sponge.

If there's one thing certain about bisexuality, it's that there's a lot more of it going on in New York and Los Angeles, where feature films are made, then in rural America, where they think bisexual is a city term for a guy getting a hooker ("Buy sex you all?"). Consequently, films tend to have considerably more diverse sexual experiences taking place in them. Ultimately, this results in a film where a nice Jewish girl tries out the lesbian thing with a bisexual art gallery manager, Helen Cooper (Heather Juergensen). Jessica being Jewish is no accident; it's a marketing strategy -- I'm sure "Kissing Kay O'Reilly" and "Kissing Mira Patel" are right around the corner.

Speaking as somebody whose right hand holds a grudge, I'm sensitive to the theme of finding love wherever one can. However, lesbianism and bisexuality are to Hollywood and filmmaking what Pet Rocks were to the children of the late '70s --a fad. As far as Hollywood is concerned, lesbianism is something heterosexuals dabble in while they're waiting for the right man to come along, and only good looking heterosexuals need apply (Anne Heche notwithstanding). If I were a real lesbian, it'd make me mad enough to throw my golf clubs at my pickup truck.

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