Ladies Man

Bomb Rating: 

Heck, even a four-incher might cause other men to gasp.

Naturally, there's a scene in this movie where Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows) drops his drawers in front of a group of men and they all gasp in admiration at the size of his wang. This seems to suggest two fallacies at one time: First, that women would want to have sex with Leon just because of his wang, and second, that other men would be impressed by the size of Phelps' wang. I propose that neither is true.

Every woman knows that if Phelps' wang were really that large -- large enough for other men to be impressed by it -- it would hurt like hell to have sex with him. If it didn't, there would be all these cases of police having to pull naked women off of lamp posts and the Oscar Meyer Wiener Mobile, but you never hear about that.

Tim Meadows just doesn't look like a guy with a large wang. What he does look like is a short guy with an average wang that looks proportionately sizeable. Allow me to explain: Say I'm 6'2" and have a six-inch wang, which would be considered normal, but against my 6'2" frame, a six-inch wang would look small on me. However, because Meadows is maybe 5'2" in platform shoes, a six-inch wang would look enormous on him. Heck, even a four-incher might cause other men to gasp.

This is like one of those visual tricks where you're shown a square next to a Pez dispenser and a square next to the Washington Monument, and you're asked which is larger. The squares are identical, but of course the one next to the Washington Monument looks smaller. Just as a six-inch wang might look minuscule on Shaquille O'Neal, but it's still going to be just as satisfying as Tim Meadows' six-inch wang. Naturally, none of this is even taking thickness into account, but that's another thesis entirely.

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