So I'm sitting there in the theater watching this Sharon Stone movie in which she plays a murderer on death row -- kind of like "Dead Girl Walking" -- when suddenly I bolt upright in horror: Oh my god, what if they actually kill Sharon Stone and she can't make "Sliver 2"?

"Last Dance" is "Dead Man Walking" with all the Hollywood clichés reinserted. First of all, the murderer, Cindy Liggett (Stone), is poor, white, Southern trash and the movie takes place in some unspecified Southern state. Naturally, the director (Bruce Beresford of "Driving Miss Daisy" fame) wants to establish that warm Southern atmosphere so, consequently, we get three penis references in the first two minutes followed by Cindy telling her lawyer that she has a brother but that they have different fathers (as if we couldn't have guessed that).

I was particularly fond of the part where Cindy's go-get-em lawyer (Rob Morrow) interviews a male felon. The guards just let old Rob walk into the cell while the guy is lifting weights. "Hmmm," I thought, "a convicted criminal, a smarmy, aviator-sunglasses-wearing lawyer and barbells. That's a safe combination."

Hopefully, when they release the director's cut they'll include the alternate endings. Here they are:

1. A devastated Rob Morrow jumps out of his chair after Sharon's lethal injection and sighs, "Thank god it wasn't me."

2. During the reading of the last rites, Sharon uncrosses her legs and is set free by the thankful guards.

3. Bruce Willis breaks into the booth at the last second and saves Sharon from certain death.