Lawrence of Arabia

Bomb Rating: 

Since Sissy-Boy of Arabia likes the hot weather and can ride a camel long distances without drinking any water, the Arabs immediately fall in love with him.

Our first introduction to T.E. Lawrence (Peter O'Toole), who laterbecomes Lawrence of Arabia while uniting the various Arab factions against the Turks, comes as he hops on a motorcycle without a helmet, speeds off down the wrong side of the road (I don't care if he's in England or not), and kills himself when he careens over a hill and has to skid out of the way of some bicyclists.

The film then flashes back from his funeral and what we discover is a sissy, albeit a sissy who likes hot weather. Thus, he's sent out on a mission to find Prince Feisal (Alec Guinness), who turns out to be Obi Wan Kenobi with a very bad Arabian accent. Since Sissy-Boy of Arabia likes the hot weather and can ride a camel long distances without drinking any water, the Arabs immediately fall in love with him.

Lawrence ventures out into the hottest desert in the world with neither sunglasses nor suntan lotion. Certainly, if he doesn't get killed fighting the Turks, traversing vast stretches of desert in record time, taking cities like Aqaba, or getting felt up by nasty Turk leaders (Jose Ferrer), he sure as shit is going to bite it from skin cancer or cataracts.

It turns out to be a good thing the motorcycle accident gets him in the end (i.e. beginning), otherwise, we'd be forced to watch dermatologists saw creeping melanomas off the back of Lawrence of Arabia's leathery neck -- and no barf bag is big enough to contain that level of disgust.

To spread the word about this Lawrence of Arabia review on Twitter.

To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.
2 Comments

Like This Lawrence of Arabia Review? Vote it Up.

0

Rate This Movie:

Average: 3.3 (4 votes)

Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • My biggest laugh from Martin Lawrence's new film came while reading the description in the press notes describing it as a "comedic-thriller." The only thrill I got from the film was from bouncing up a

  • The only thing that's holding Martin Lawrence back as he tries to be convincing as a fat, sixty-year-old woman, is the fact that he's been trying to convince people for years that he's really a comedi

  • They should have titled this "Lawrence of Arabia Lite", because it's pretty clear that's what these amateur jerk-off filmmakers are shooting for.

Those wacky Saudis ban penis elongation devices

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

Canadian medical appliance manufacturer X4 Labs, which sells a penis-elongating traction device for around $400, disclosed in August that it is making a solid gold version on contract for a Saudi businessman. The buyer claimed he required gold only because of allergies, but then also ordered it ornamented with diamonds and rubies, according to an August Agence France-Presse report. X4's cachet as a medical-appliance supplier is expected to get the device past Saudi customs, which normally bans sex toys. [Agence France-Presse, 8-5-09]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/uc/20091011/od_notw/nwx091011xml

{;-) Dan in Miami

A Kawasaki Ninja ZX-14 Makes a much better penis extender

Coaster's picture

Fastass Sumbitch

0-60 in 2.5 seconds.  1/4 mile in 10.8.   Top speed of 186, and that's electronically limited.

192 Horsepower and only weighs 480 pounds. 

Oh yeah, baby.  And unlike that piece of gold-plated shit the stupid raghead is wasing his money on, this penis extender works.  And all for only $12,000, which is probably far less than that idiot is paying for his. 

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.