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"Legend of Bagger Vance": Matt Damon plays Junuh, a closeted doily-maker in the old South, who made a scandal when he went West for seven years to see if he could make it in the porn industry. After some heartfelt, yet hilarious, blunders with turkey basters and cheeze whiz, Junuh comes home defeated, and he decides to become a recluse at a public toilet for the rest of the Depression. In walks the infamous Bagger Vance, played by Will Smith, a lonely shoe polisher who can see into the future. Bagger is here to help Junuh, who was infected with an alien virus that he picked up at a nude shuffleboard tournament at Strom Thurmond’s mansion. Junuh has forty-eight hours to find the cure, or a meganuclear poisonous cloud will erupt from his head and wipe out the lactose-intolerant tribes of Estonia. However, the cure can only be found on the local Savannah Chubbo Putt-Putt, the world’s most dangerous golf course. And here’s the bar-raiser for future action films: it’s all in slo-motion and narrated by Gilbert Godfried. A must- see! A tale of virtue and triumph, of madness and humanity, of love and a headache “this big”, the "Legend of Bagger Vance" plays out like Tonya Hardin’s Wedding Night video: easy to laugh at, difficult to sit through and filled with painfully gratuitous disappointment.
Bob Dubilina
BFN Networks
UIC Radio -- www.uicradio.ws
Wednesdays, 6-8 p.m. Central
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