Little Indian, Big City

Bomb Rating: 

Rumor has it that Disney wanted to produce an American version of this French offering, but the filmmakers refused to grant them the rights unless they released the original in the U.S. Well, Disney acquiesced, but did such a spitefully bad dubbing job that "Little Indian, Big City" makes all those low-budget martial arts films look like lip-synced masterpieces. Of course, using subtitles would have been unthinkable since it would have denied Disney the substantial and ever-increasing illiterate children's market.

I suspect Disney will retitle its eventual remake "Little Aborigine, Big Disney World" and feature a little aborigine (Kit Culkin perhaps, or pick any "Home Improvement" brat) running around Disney World, amazed at the joy the Magic Kingdom brings to children of all ages. Problems arise when the little aborigine traps the big mouse and the big duck and attempts to slay and eat them, but Michael Eisner saves the day by sending in Disney's Culture Commandos to capture the savage little heathen. Once captured, the aborigine is sent back to Venezuela with enough Mickey Mouse ears to outfit only half his tribal village, resulting in an intertribal war and destruction of his native culture.

Stupid as this premise may seem, it will be a great improvement over the original version, which indicates that the French have apparently foregone Jerry Lewis films in favor of the more advanced "Harry and the Hendersons" genre, where the primitive clashes with the modern. Knowing the general temperament of the Parisians, it's a wonder the Little Indian puts up with Paris for as long as he does.

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