The Long Kiss Goodnight

Bomb Rating: 

After marrying Geena Davis, director Renny Harlin has been trying unsuccessfully to make sure her career doesn't go straight down the toilet.

One of the ways Samantha Caine overcomes her eight-year bout withamnesia and discovers that she used to be a highly-trained government assassin named Charly Baltimore is by opening an old suitcase. She opens the suitcase, empties out the clothes, and figures out that the thing has a fake bottom. Underneath are all the parts necessary to put together a highly sophisticated rifle. One cannot help laughing at the thought of Samantha walking around the house all those years, befuddled by this heavy suitcase and the rattling noise it makes when she heaves it onto the bed.

After marrying Geena Davis, director Renny Harlin has been trying unsuccessfully to make sure her career doesn't go straight down the toilet. First he produced "Speechless," then he directed "Cutthroat Island," and now he expects us to buy Davis as a superassassin who breaks necks like she's twisting pretzel dough.

Actually, the story of a woman who discovers her amnesia covers up a vicious, brutal past is not uncompelling. There's only one problem: This is a Renny Harlin film. In a Renny Harlin film something better be blowing up. Something, like, really big. Consequently, everything in this film leads to a really big truck explosion. Thanks again, folks! Leave your seven dollars in the till and join us next time when we'll be blowing up a really big boat!

The faster the film goes, the faster the plot points whiz by like diving wasps with sharp clich stingers. How come bad guys with machine guns have a perfect record for hitting maid carts in hotels and a pathetic record for hitting the people they're actually aiming at? What's Renny's obsession with snowmobiles? And finally, what possesses a kid to go lock herself up in the toolbox of a truck? The whole finale rests on it. Frankly, a six-year-old would be more likely to defuse the bomb by accident than to intentionally lock herself up in a toolbox.

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