The City of Lost Children

Bomb Rating: 

This is one of them art films.

Now it's not an art film because of the long, drawn out sequences where the camera pans over backdrops that were obviously painted by some guy who spends his weekends selling paintings at the flea market. It isn't an art film because it was made in France by the same guys who made "Delicatessen." And it isn't an art film because it has subtitles. No, it's an art film because of the midget.

Think about it! When was the last time a realistic drama or action picture had a midget in it? Name just one. You can't, because all the midgets are in art films. So the second you see the midget the gig is up and the whole premise of the film is blown.

Once that's established, you don't have to ask yourself why Ron Perlman, the guy from the television show "Beauty and the Beast," is trying to save little French kids from a midget, her six cloned freaks and a brain in a fish tank. You needn't puzzle as to why cruel Siamese Twins direct a circusmaster's trained fleas take over the minds of the Cyclopes and have them kill each other.

You don't have to ask yourself these things because you know you're watching an art film, where utter baffling chaos is the norm.

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