Love Don't Cost a Thing

Bomb Rating: 

I read, like many people undoubtedly, that Roger Ebert liked this film and actually suggested it was better than the film upon which it was based: "Can't Buy Me Love," a 1987 film starring Patrick Dempsey.

This begs several questions: What has happened to Roger? Has he been replaced by a space alien? Has Disney replaced him with an animatronic Roger whose thumb is physically incapable of pointing downward? Does Roger even qualify as a film critic anymore?

This film is so inconceivably bad it gave me shooting pains in my head that felt like somebody was trying to drive foot-long pins through my brain with a tuning fork. The idea here is that Alvin Johnson (Nick Cannon) is a geek, and he pays Paris Morgan (Christina Milian) to pretend to be his girlfriend for two weeks. He believes this will make him popular. Well, it does make him popular and he forgets who he is in the process, dropping his old geeky friends and becoming quite the asshole.

There's not a single moment in this entire film that's even remotely believable. Even Alvin's haircut seems impossible. His 'fro is all over the place and he looks like Dr. J from the '70s. He'd be laughed at every day he went to school and eventually would have gotten a haircut. Nick Cannon is too over-the-top when he's a geek and equally over-the-top as his cool alter-ego. There's no real emotion in the film. It's like every single character is acutely aware that he or she is in a film, a film gone horribly awry.

To spread the word about this Love Don't Cost a Thing review on Twitter.

To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.

Like This Love Don't Cost a Thing Review? Vote it Up.


Rate This Movie:

Average: 5 (1 vote)

Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • Often, before I write about a film, I do some research which may or may not involve reading other film reviews to get a sense of particular points of contention that may be worth pursuing.

  • So many sad, woeful people are finding their sole spiritual solace in shows like "Touched by an Angel" that it was only a matter of time before some Hollywood type with all the imagination of Phil Gra

  • I already saw this film. It was called "A Song for Martin," directed by Bille August, and told the story of a composer who gets Alzheimer's.