Love Stinks

Bomb Rating: 

This film features French ("Third Rock From the Sun") Stewart as the lead, which basically begs the question: didn't anyone in the development meeting have the cojones to pipe up and suggest that this might be an utterly retarded idea? Stewart has a unique talent for whining, and reminds me of every tour guide who ever led a group through a theme park. He also makes Woody Allen look ripped, prompting Ethiopians to refer to him as "wiry."

"Love Stinks" is an updated "War of the Roses," written and directed by Jeff Franklin, whose most notable story credit to date is "Summer School." Mind you, I don't think he actually wrote the script, just came up with the story of "a guy who teaches remedial English in summer school. Huh-huh." I believe Jeff is now working on the cure for cancer. If you'll remember, the lead of that film was Mark Harmon, who should be coming soon to an infomercial near you.

Seth (French Stewart) meets Chelsea (Bridgette Wilson). They have great sex. From there Chelsea turns into a controlling Gorgon, but Seth is so blinded by the fact that this is the first woman without a major medical complication to sleep with him that he ignores the warning signals until it's too late and she's suing him for palimony. From there, they're at each other's throats. "War of the Roses" acted out by costumed chimps would have been more convincing.

As this film is rated R, I did spend some quality time wondering why neither Bridgette nor Tyra Banks, who plays Seth's best friend's (Bill Bellamy) wife, bared any flesh. What the hell is that R-rating for anyway? Someone says the f-word two times and suddenly everyone under 17 is persona non grata. I've been to Catholic weddings with more profanity. Unfortunately, this appears to be the hook for most films of this type: Mediocre television star enters film world and says bad word.

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