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Reading the putrid crap that Mr. Wonderful just posted above someplace gave me one good idea: it's time for a new parody/sequel of THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES. So settle back, and here we go, with the theme song of the new movie as a sample of what Hollywood might REALLY do with this tale:
Let me tell you a tale 'bout Simon the Great
The dumb bastard's IQ's outstripped by his weight.
He stands around, his finger up his nose,
As he pines and simpers to make it with some "hos."
(Working girls, prostitutes.)
He's standing around, looking like a jerk
The working girls who see him say, "Damn, but this won't work."
But another jerk comes along, a-drooling on his shirt,
'Tis Mr. Wonderful. YOu see, he ain't no dang Albert.
(Einstein, that is. Genius guy.)
The first thing they say, "Wow, you're the friend for me.
You're super cool, just as cool as you can be.
Let's be friends for life, send Mr. Cranky checks,
And two super cool guys like us will have some sex!"
(Intercourse -- bumping uglies.)
These drivelers, they go 'round, looking for some girls,
But every female who sees them -- her lip quickly curls.
Girls shouted, "California's the place you ought to be!"
So they stuck their thumbs out and hitched to Beverly.
(Hills, that is. Monica's home town.)
Now they're in Movieland, but it's just a crying shame,
They can't get dates -- not even from THE CRYING GAME.
So they waste their time a-posting sewage foul,
Misspelled, badly phrased, to make an editor howl.
(Like Lon Chaney, the Wolfman feller.)
And finally the folks in Crankyland got tired
Of being in Simon's and Wonderful's writing mired.
They clobbered 'em good and hard; Lord, they did try,
But Simon and Mr. W are just too dumb to die.
(Stupid. Mental midgets.)
I conclude this tale with a sad, sincere appeal
Before the cells of my poor brain start to congeal.
Please, help us rid ourselves of this stupid plague
Or you'll start trembling and shaking, just like ol' Al Haig.
(Remember him? 'Course not.)
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