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Simon and Mr. Wonderful are a pair of dudes living in a Fresno trailer park. By day they try to write a script for a wrestling movie starring Stone Cold Steve Austin and Bret "Hit Man" Hart. By night they play in their bowling league and go to Jose Feliciano concerts. They also hit on waitresses, who promptly deck them.
A mysterious businessman approaches the dudes and hires them to kidnap a rival businessman's baby, then collect the ransom for him. They agree to do it if he'll give them a new carpet. On the way out, Simon hits on the businessman's young, sexy wife, who decks him.
The dudes use a ladder to sneak into the rival businessman's house and steal the baby. (They also steal his toys so they can play with them.) As they're leaving, they get chased by vicious dogs. Later they carelessly leave the baby on the highway. They ask Steve Buscemi what to do and he says: "Collect the ransom anyway, dudes, then run off with it."
They collect the ransom from a sexy blonde who's been entrusted with a $1 million ransom and gives them $5000. Mr. Wonderful hits on the blonde, who decks him. Trouble is, she gives them the money inside a wrapped box. Simon says, "What if it has a bomb inside, dude?" Mr. Wonderful says, "What if the bomb has a red wire and a blue wire, dude? Which one do we cut?" So they sit there and stare at the package.
Meanwhile, the baby they left on the highway finds a pregnant police chief and leads her to the dudes. (He's smarter than they are, you see.) Simon says, "Aw, you're too fat to hit on!" The police chief says, "Ya, you've got no cause to get snippy with me!" and shoots him in the head. The bullet goes in one side of Simon's hollow cranium and out the other. In the end Simon gets buried alive and Mr. Wonderful gets put through a wood chipper. Everyone else lives happier ever after.
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