Responses to this message:
Hi, my name is Slim and I just saw a movie about life and death, love and hate, truth and lies, parenthood and childhood, the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse (or at least 2 of them), and redemption. Now you may be thinking how they put all that stuff into a two-hour movie, but they didn't they put it all into a three-hour movie. Along with a lot of people saying fuck because the screenwriters liked the word, a lot of people being drowned out because the soundtrack was too damn loud, a lot of people singing along like they were in a music video, and a lot of scenes that makes me think the producer or director had a shitass worthless lame ass father. Now there's a whole load of folks here at the Institute that have father problems, and hell, my old man would have never been confused with Ward Cleaver, but in this movie all the fathers are two steps from slime sucking snake snot.
I'm talking about Magnolia, and it's got a shitass bunch of people living their lives with, as the quack doctors around here say, baggage. One of the asswipe fathers did the hokeypokey with his daughter, so she's a Coke it's the real thing up my nose addled brain hole; another father let his wife die a painful death from cancer while he was out doing the hokeypokey with any woman who had anything close to two legs, so his son grows up to be Jimmy Swaggart with all the dickness but without the religion and who preaches that a man's peckerwood is the saving grace (and I gotta say Tom Cruise seems to be reprising his role from Eyes Wide Shut but this time he's really acting out his latent homodemons); and the last father, well let's just say he's a real asswipe chunderhead who's son is well on his way to being either a mass murderer or a lifer at some looney bin. We also got a lot of stuff about how shit happens and so take that for having a wretched ass life.
We got fatherhood being what make us all losers, we got a LA cop being good, and so you know that is straight out of some snorthead writer, we got an amphibious assault, we got actors trying to make a hit song because the producer is making the sign of the twobacked beast with the songwriter or something like that, and finally, we got what to do when life gets you down, as long as you have a Mom to go to.
I suppose I should give this movie four stars since everyone else has, but after about 2 and a quarter hours I was wondering when it was all going to end because I just didn't care about anyone, whether it was Tom Cruise being confronted with the fact he was a lying prick ass or that old fart Jason Robards dying and confessing to getting his peckerwood wet all over the place or that it takes a good cop to show people that they can be redeemed. We all know that life is just one big crap shoot and it usually ends up like dogshit and so we don't need three hours of people showing and telling us that.
Three barely blinking because they're falling from the sky stars. Go check it out but only if you want to have it rammed into your head that you can blame your parents if you end up a loser, a dimwit, an asshole, or anything else less than perfect.
El Monte Slim
Responses to this message:
Post a response to this discussion thread