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http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1202/twotowers.html
Moviegoers Beware! The Two Towers is Homo Slang For Erect Hobbit Penises Important Notice For Christian Parents
The new movie, The Two Towers makes up for its lack of on screen sex scenes with some of the most horrifying, blood wrenching violence ever to splatter the silver screen. "That's why, at first glance, the film is very appealing to True Christians®," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "However, we must be careful not to get overly excited about movies that come so close to depicting what our loving Lord Jesus has in store for sinners. Christians know that nothing man could ever conceive on film will ever match the glorious barbecue of burning flesh that God has promised for all those who don't worship Jesus. I doubt Hollywood could ever litter a whole valley with hacked up pieces of human flesh and body parts, or fill a river with the hot, fresh steaming blood of the unsaved. Only the Lord can do that! And the Bible tells us He will! As True Christians®, we are promised front row seats for that glorious show. And the price for admission was covered 2,000 years ago by Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection! And friends, the reviews for that show, even though it hasn't happened yet, are already in. And they are raves. Five stars! You see, the Lord's Word tells us that once the world is covered with rotting corpses, saved Christians will "rejoice over them and make merry, and shall send gifts to one another" (Revelation 11:5- 10)." Praise! Now, as a True Christian, that is the type of spoiler I don't mind! I think I speak for all Baptists when I say, 'Bring on the rotting bodies, sweet Jesus!'"
(oh, there's more, but go read it for yourselves)
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