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Good evening. I am pleased to announce that I have just signed with Warner Brothers to write and direct my own feature film. It shall be called "To Dream The Impossible Dream", and here's the low down, a very special sneak peak just for Crankyland:
Title: To Dream The Impossible Dream
Genre: Action/Comedy/Buddy Movie/Romance/Epic Saga
The Charactors: Jack Ridges (construction worker), Susan Miller (Jack's love interest), Phil Peterson (Jack's new construction partner) Horace Bodalaski (Jack's gruff but good boss), Clide Terrence (villian), Timmy (heart warming man child), Bob (dumb, amusing pedestrian hick), Olivia (foolish environmentalist pedestrian who dies for her silly convictions and the audience laughs), Karen (pedestrian mother, single since the astroid hit, with her two kids), Alex (snooty yuppy who rebels from Jack's command, and so he dies), Dan (good hearted, rugged, filthy construction worker who doesn't like Jack at first, but then, in a touchingly surprising moment, tells everyone to follow Jack after Jack saves his life), Marty (teen pedestrian, for the teens in the audience), Kelly (appears towards the end and Marty kisses her and grins because he knows they're going to get it on), Dr. Stephanie Wilkens (Scientist who helps the gang out), Travis (wild hick who loves action stuff and shouts "YEEEE HAAWW!!" when he finally gets to do a stunt), Mike The Tyke (funny black guy, rapper), Huskingson (construction worker), Bill (construction worker), Chuck (construction worker who dies in an exciting way), Nick (consctruction worker), Becca (Nick's stripper girlfriend), and Old Mrs. Rensington (lovable old lady who dies, smiling, at the end, of natural causes).
The Plot: A giant astroid is heading towards planet Earth in the year 2000. There is no way to stop the astroid, so everyone must move to Mars, which by this time has been made livable for humans. However, there is so little time before impact, that not everyone will make it to Mars in time. Earth blows up, and lots of people die, but none of my main charactors, and not Karen's and her kid's dog, Sammy, who survives several near fatal incidents and is a happy pooch at the end. Once they make it, it's hilarious, touching, and suspensful chaos, as Jack, Phil, and their gang of pedestrians and construction workers, and Jack's boss, who gains new respect for Jack and Phil, get lost and then try to make it to the base, and Jack tries to make it to Susan, who at the end, he asks to marry him. Jack and Phil become best friends along the way, and Phil even gets a moment to shine at one point towards the end. An action packed, riotously funny journey filled with suspense, self discovery and human warmth. But there's a psycho on the loose (Clide) who wants human kind destroyed, and he has a nuclear bomb. Jack sets up a plan and he and his gang take that mofo down, with lots of action and thrills.
The Actors:
Jack Ridges: Patrick Swayze
Phil Peterson: Carrot Top
Susan Miller: Cindy Crawford
Horace Bodalski: Bill Cosby
Clide Terrence: Arnold Shwartzenegger
Olivia: Christina Ricci
Travis: Travis Tritt
Karen: Christina Ricci
Dr. Stephanie Wilkins: Jenny McArthy
Kelly: Christina Ricci
Old Mrs. Rensington: The old woman from Titanic
Becca: Christina Ricci
Mike The Tyke: The guy who plays Urkel
Marty: The guy who played Zac on Saved By The Bell
And Robin Williams as Timmy, with the mind of a moronic 6 year old, who Jack rescues from an institution and brings to Mars.
With a cameo by Dennis Hopper, as Jo Jo, the zany, over the top, villainous sidekick to Clide. Jo Jo accidentally blows himself up.
The Commercial Tie Ins: Jello Pudding is Horace Bodalski's favorite food, Clide Terrence smokes Big Guy cigars, Jack drives a Buick, eats at Burger King, and uses Sears flashlights ("The only ones I trust"), Phil eats Pop Rocks, Susan uses Nair, Timmy wears Nike and does the Funky Chicken while listening to his Sony boombox. Of course, there will be many action figures, Burger King stuff, sweepstakes, etc.
Rating: PG-13
Release Date: June 28th, 1999.
I am getting a considerable amount of money for this effort, not nearly as much as the stars of course (Carrot Top is getting 50 mil, Shwartzenegger is getting 300 mil), but a pretty penny. After the film is the smash hit of the summer, hopefully stealing the #1 money maker spot from Titanic (we DO have the same old woman), I shall be getting many more deals. I'm the up and coming thing, folks, so you should be excited to have this contact with me now. Soon I will be a big star. And now you are getting my posts for free!
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