I guess I'm supposed to be mystified by this being a Woody Allen film because it takes place in London instead of New York, and everyone is sporting a British accent, with the exception of Nola Rice (Scarlett Johansson), who's American. I wasn't fooled.

While it's not a comedy and there really isn't a lot of that Allenesque dialogue and nobody in the film is pretending to be Woody Allen, it still deals with one of those fundamental Woody Allen themes and in that it seemed a whole lot like "Crimes and Misdemeanors." That theme isn't exactly new either.

Chris Wilson (Jonathan Rhys-Meyers) is a tennis pro from humble origins. He gets a job teaching tennis in a posh country club when he meets Tom Hewett (Matthew Goode) and his sister, Chloe (Emily Mortimer), who are both rich members. The moment she meets Chris, it's pretty obvious that Chloe's interested in learning more than tennis strokes because her whole body starts quivering like a little girl in a candy shop. This all seems good for Chris -- he's heading up the social ladder after all -- until he meets Tom's girlfriend, Nola.

The basic difference between the two women is that Nola is sexy while Chloe is sweet. One might go so far as to say that Chloe is sexually dull while Nola is sexually arousing. So despite having Chloe, Chris just can't resist going after Nola, despite the fact that he's engaged to Chloe and Nola is with his future brother-in-law. At this point, most men would have settled for some healthy fantasizing or asking Chloe to wear a Nola-flavored wig but not Chris. No, Chris has to jeopardize everything by pursuing Nola until he's sleeping with her and married to Chloe.

By this point, I hated Chris and despised the movie. First of all, Emily Mortimer is freaking hot. I'd sleep with Emily and a hundred Scarlett Johanssons could wander by and I wouldn't even look. I mean, did you see Mortimer in "Lovely and Amazing"? I'm sure that whole bush thing was just a special effect. And what do we know about Scarlett? Nothing. I'll take what I know. The fact that Chris doesn't makes his character -- and the entire movie -- utterly uninteresting.