Metro

Bomb Rating: 

The knowledgeable filmgoer will find the opening credits of "Metro" to be every bit as scary as a biohazard alarm.

Let's give Eddie Murphy some credit: Unwittingly,he's allowed millions, if not billions, of people worldwide to envision exactly what it was like to live in the Middle Ages. To know what it felt like to hear that the plague had just engulfed the town down the road, simply channel-surf until you come upon the phrase, "The new Eddie Murphy film. Coming to a theater near you!"

The knowledgeable filmgoer will find the opening credits of "Metro" to be every bit as scary as a biohazard alarm. The first warning sign: director Thomas Carter, the genius behind everybody's favorite Nazi-resistance musical, "Swing Kids." The Hollywood executive who was pitched Carter's latest project and thought "Wow! Swing Kids!" would be wise to check his water cooler for Prozac.

The second alarming thing about the opening is the music. It's so slow, ponderous and un-Harold Faltermeyer-like that it's as if the filmmakers knew they had an audience of fans disturbed enough to pay $7.50 for an ersatz "Beverly Hills Cop" flick -- and wanted to see how many they could drive over the edge.

That's right, it's another cop movie. Eddie plays a hostage negotiator in San Francisco. Allow me to save you seven bucks. The plot goes something like this: 1) Chase scene. 2) Eddie says "fuck" a lot. 3) Chase scene. 4) Eddie and bad guy (Michael Wincott) say "fuck" together. 5) Chase scene. 6) Audience pines for the good old days of the plague.

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