Millions

Bomb Rating: 

Naturally, it all ends with this moralistic "money is the root of all evil" tone because you don't want the little people getting the idea that having lots of money is really fun.

I was so sick of little Damian (Alexander Etel) by the end of this film that I was hoping that they'd invent some magical device so that in about ten years I could revisit this film, reach through the screen, and choke the living crap out of the precocious youngster. I don't think it's a coincidence that he has the same name as the evil kid from "The Omen."

From a strictly clinical point of view, Damian is probably deranged, psychotic, insane, or whatever term a licensed psychotherapist might use. I'm not one, so when I use the phrase "strictly clinical" I'm really just kind of blowing smoke out my ass like Dr. Phil. Anyway, something is wrong with him. He sees things. He sees saints walking around and when a bag of money falls from the sky (it's actually thrown from a moving train, but Damian doesn't know that), Damian thinks it's a bag of money from God.

Damian shows the bag of money to his brother Anthony (Lewis McGibbon), who's a couple of years older and smart enough to know that if they tell anyone about it, they'll have to give it back. So, they count it, and begin going about their individual ways of using the money. Anthony buys popularity at school, while Damian tries to give the money away to the poor. Damian is basically on this mission to be purely good. So, not only is he unbelievably precocious and too smart for his age, but he's practically trying to be a saint himself. I wish he would have spent lots more time playing on the train tracks.

Turns out the money was being sent to be burned as part of Britain's switch to the Euro, so spending it is a victimless crime. This presents an ethical dilemma I was apparently supposed to care about. Damian's father (James Nesbitt) finds out about the money as does the new woman in his life, Dorothy (Daisy Donovan). Naturally, it all ends with this moralistic "money is the root of all evil" tone because you don't want the little people getting the idea that having lots of money is really fun. Less money for the simps who go to see the movie is a lot more for the filmmakers.

Maybe director Danny ("Trainspotting") Boyle or whatever studio made this film would like to throw me a bag filled with a million dollars. I'd like to decide for myself.

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