Monster's Ball

Bomb Rating: 

It irritates me to no end that Billy Bob Thornton is married to Angelina Jolie. Never mind that Loon Lady is starting to look like a walking advertisement for the healthful effects of gobbling nothing but bowls full of diet pills each morning. It's just that when I watch Billy Bob Thornton up there on that screen bedding Halle Berry, I have to actually believe it.

To make matters more unbelievable, Thornton plays Hank Grotowski, a correction officer with a racist father (Peter Boyle). Hank repeats a lot of pop's views, but isn't quite as stringent as his old man. After electrocuting one prisoner (Sean Combs) and suffering a tragedy involving his son (Heath Ledger), Hank starts reassessing his life. However, it's not until he starts getting the great tail that his world view undergoes some serious analysis.

Thankfully for political correctness and lessons about racism, the great tail, Leticia, is played by Halle Berry and not the kind of dog's-shaved-ass-ugly beast-woman more common to the Georgia wilds. Otherwise, one suspects "Monster's Ball" would have turned into a simple story about a racist son taking care of his racist father (Peter Boyle) until the old guy kicked off, leaving him the 1978 Cutlass and the double-wide.

In the real world, somebody like Leticia would never go near somebody like Grotowski -- or so we think. But as I'm watching this ex-racist ex-corrections officer discover the joys of equality and thinking "Yeah, right," it enters my mind that, wait a second, that sweaty bastard is married to Angelia Jolie -- I guess anything's possible. Thus, I guess it's also possible that Halle Berry would desire him because he's changed, because he's nice or -- and perhaps most likely -- because his tongue is long enough to make Gene Simmons cry.

To spread the word about this Monster's Ball review on Twitter.

To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.

Like This Monster's Ball Review? Vote it Up.


Rate This Movie:

Average: 1 (1 vote)

Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • Right after Hank Mitchell (Bill Paxton), his older brother Jacob (BillyBob Thornton) and Jacob's best friend Lou (Brent Briscoe) discover a crashed plane and a bag full of cash, they sit there in the

  • (Editor's Note: According to rumors denied by Halle Berry, it has been reported that she received an extra $500,000 to bare her breasts in this film. Because Mr.

  • This is such a sickening and pointless attempt to make some easy money off an old film that I hardly know where to begin.