Mr. Magoo

Bomb Rating: 

At the very least, I'll make this one concession to movies like "Mr. Magoo": They afford me some unique opportunities. In this case, I got to take my pants off and run around the deserted theater in my underwear.

Who the hell knows what anybody was thinking while making this picture? Apparently nothing. There's actually an apology at the end of the film (this proves I watched the whole pathetic mess) that says something to the effect of "don't be mean to people with bad eyesight; they should be treated just like the rest of us." Does this include driving? Jesus Christ, what has political correctness come to? It's not enough that we turn the other cheek to idiots who talk on cell phones and ski into trees -- we're now supposed to be polite to blind drivers? Pardon me while I plunge a wooden spoon through my head -- I live in the real world.

If you can believe it, the guy who directed this film, Stanley Tong, also directed "Supercop." I guess he couldn't get Jackie Chan to star as Mr. Magoo so he could ride Chan's coattails through another movie. Instead, he got Leslie Nielsen, whose impression of the cartoon character looks like something out of the theater for the mentally challenged.

Even in a bad film, I'm a pretty lively guy, usually hoping the theater manager will come into the auditorium so I can challenge him to a fight to the death. No such luck on this outing, however, so I resigned myself to folding over, eyelids heavy, and praying for the sweet release of death.

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