Mulholland Falls

Bomb Rating: 

Midway through this film, after the elite 1950's unit of the LAPD known as the "Hat Squad" has stuck its nose in the business of the federal government, an FBI agent (Daniel Baldwin) shows up at police headquarters and tells the chief (Bruce Dern) and squad leader Max Hoover (Nick Nolte) to mind their own business.

At this point, perceptive viewers are likely to think two things to themselves: 1) Who's been cloning Baldwin brothers? 2) What the hell is this? The fatter, uglier sibling movie? Daniel Baldwin looks like a bloated version of his brother Alec, and one of the Hat Squad members is played by Christopher Penn, who looks nothing like his brother, Sean, but is bloated nonetheless.

The murder investigation the FBI wants Hoover and his buddies (Chazz Palminteri and Michael Madsen are the other two) to unstick their noses from involves the army, a general (John Malkovich) and a murdered girl (Jennifer Connelly) who used to be Hoover's mistress.

The gorgeous, large-breasted Connelly is certainly put to good use by the Hollywood skin machine. Before you can finish the opening credits she's taking off her clothes. Next thing you know, her dead body is found in the middle of nowhere. If you don't think women are given the shaft in American cinema consider this: When was the last time Nick Nolte's agent told him: "Yah, Nick, great role for you here. Your character will wiggle his dick around for five minutes and then be murdered."

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