Muppet Treasure Island

Bomb Rating: 

Expect to see "Muppet Finnegan's Wake" and "Muppets Waiting for Godot" any day now.

It's really too bad we can't bring the dead back to life. Imagine digging up old Robert Louis Stevenson and taking him to see a screening of this film. Say, Robert, I'll bet you thought you were contributing to the American literary canon, but look: Your masterpiece is now being performed by talking stuffed animals. Wouldn't it be fun to watch Robert implode at that point? As the Muppets seek to make literature palatable for the masses, expect to see "Muppet Finnegan's Wake" and "Muppets Waiting for Godot" any day now.

At least director Brian Henson has done us one favor by realizing that Kermit the Frog sounded like Fran Drescher and turning over Kermit's voice duties to someone else.

Upon deep examination, I submit that the Muppets are a remnant of the Seventies just like the Village People or "Starsky and Hutch." It was a time when, as one historian put it, "Man thought that sticking his hand up the ass of a puppet could change the world." Well, I submit those times are over. Progress must be embraced. If we continue to exhibit such nostalgia for the past we will eventually become the past.

Let's take a bold step into the present. "Beavis and Butthead Treasure Island" would be a good start.

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