My Giant

Bomb Rating: 

This film is narrated, which in a film of this simplicity is the equivalent of producing Cliffs Notes to help viewers untangle the latest episode of "Love Boat: The Next Wave."

This film was gooey -- so sickly-sweet that when I got up from my theater chair I felt as though I'd just spent an entire day in the front row of the triple-X-rated version of "My Giant."

Billy Crystal, whose Oscar-personality wears thin in a two-hour movie, plays Sammy, a two-bit agent hanging out in Romania servicing a client. He's fired, drives off, crashes and runs into seven-foot, seven-inch Max (Gheorg he Muresan). Max quotes Shakespeare and looks menacing, which makes him Sammy's meal-ticket because a local film production is looking for a villain.

This film is narrated, which in a film of this simplicity is the equivalent of producing Cliffs Notes to help viewers untangle the latest episode of "Love Boat: The Next Wave." If Michael ("Heathers") Lehmann truly thinks his audience is that stupid, he'd better run down to the theaters and hide any utensils sharper than a "spork." Adding warning labels to the popcorn ("Warning: Placing popcorn on the end of your spork and jamming it up your nose as far as it will go carries the risk of serious injury") might not be a bad idea either.

Having made "Father's Day" and now this, Billy Crystal is probably giving a career as permanent Oscars host serious consideration. At least during the Oscars, he gets the chance to appear in some critically-acclaimed films.

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