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1) Ever try to see what it takes to really p*ss off a security guard? (And you don't have to tell the story, you can just say yes or no.)
No, not really.
2) Ever get in trouble with one purely by accident (again, you don't have to tell the story)?
No. Well, sort of. A friend of mine blew a tire late at night near this industrial facility, and while we were all standing around looking at it this self-important prick came bopping out in his little golf cart and started hassling us. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK! It's a flat tire dude, and we're still on the public streets! Why do you even care?
3) Regarding the review above: why a yak? I've seen the previews and, frankly, the actor in question more closely resembles some kind of jolly fur seal. What animal do people say you look like?
Yaks are funny. Yakity-yak. I look like a human animal.
4) Didn't your mama teach you any manners???!!!???
I think so, let me check... ah, there they are!
5) How tall are you?
5'11", I think. I haven't measured my height in years but that's what my driver's license says.
6) Do you feel like you're in a magical, fairy-tale world yet? Or have you decided that this is just me being strange?
It's you. The more I read the news, the more I feel like I'm in some horrible nightmare dream world that will soon be ending in armageddon.
7) Is it me or, between this review and the memorable incident with the turkey baster in "Jerry Springer's Ringmaster", does Mr. Cranky have issues about injuring his reproductive organs?
Injuring reproductive organs is funny. America's Funniest Home Videos tells me so.
8) Or is that just part-and-parcel with being the male of the species?
Um... I will go far, far out of my way to AVOID injuring my reproductive organs. It really, really hurts...
9) Not like the poll will recover from those last two questions, but here goes anyway. Do you feel bad for the early part of the year, seeing as (besides a few late-in- the-game Oscar contenders) all you get mostly are movies that weren't good enough for summer and the holiday season?
No, mostly because I don't really care about the oscars.
10) Who was the best fictional security guard?
I can't think of any memorable ones, so I guess they all suck.
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