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Some bloke in Armageddon mentions the worst parts of the bible, well here they are:
Colonel Kurz Reviews "The Worst Parts of the Bible", hinted at in Armageddon.
(a) God rains fire + Brimstone on Sodom and Gomorrah (wherever they are), and when Lot's wife turns back she turns to a pillar of salt. =Boring 5/10, didn't he nick this from Raiders of the lost Ark?
(b) Ten plagues on Egyptians, including Frogs, Flies and locusts. He also killed their cattle, first born males and turned the water to blood. =Nasty bloke this God fella, 7/10.
(c) God gets Egyptians more, he smote them with boils, swellings in the groin, scurvy and an itch with no cure. =Very vindictive, 8/10.
(d) Gog prince of Kosh (??) is pelted with giant halestones, and god threatens to feed his nation to the birds + beasts. =Not particularly substantial, but I like the halestones, 6/10.
(e) Anoni-Zedek (king of the Canaanites) kept 70 Kings with their thumbs and big toes cut off, under the table to eat his crumbs, he later met a similar fate. =Not bad, but kinda stupid, 7/10.
(f) Samson kills 1000 Phillistines with the jawbone of and ass (or is it an Ox?). =He sure showed them, 6/10.
(g) In order to marry Saul's Daughter, David had to present him with the foreskins of 100 Phillistines as a Pre-Nuptual gift. =This is just stupid, 4/10.
(h) Apparently in the Song of Moses (whatthefuck?) there are mentions of "Barns of Famine", "Wine from the poison of Serpents" and "Maidens being crushed to dust". =Songs aren't very horrific, 5/10.
(i) The Beast and the False Prophet are thrown into a "fiery lake of burning sulphur at the end of time". The pagans are also put in their before their flesh is gorged by birds. =7/10, can't god think of anything other than hot and burning things?
(j) God sends 7 plagues that causes people to bite out their tongues with pain, the Lord then gathers the nations at Armageddon and unleashes Thunder, Lightning and the Quake that destroys the earth. =Oooh!, 9/10.
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