Never Been Kissed

Bomb Rating: 

Aside from the fact that Drew's bubbly personality resembles a human Alka Seltzer tablet dropped in a glass of Mr. Pibb, she might have taken a moment to focus and insist that this movie's title be changed to "Attack of the High School Clichés."

I once stood by and watched a six-year-old whomp a hornet's nest with abaseball bat. Naturally, his punishment (a lesson I felt he needed to learn sooner or later) was to be swarmed upon and stung repeatedly, causing an allergic reaction that made him inflate like a balloon. I relate this story because I spent the entirety of "Never Been Kissed" wondering if perhaps Drew Barrymore had endured a similar incident prior to filming.

The reality, of course, is that Drew isn't fat but that she's surrounded by teen actresses whose pre-acting preparation includes a contest to see who can projectile vomit their Ex-Lax breakfast shakes the farthest.

Drew plays Josie Gellar, a twenty-five-year-old copy editor at the Chicago Sun-Times who's never been kissed, much less had sex like a weasel on crystal meth. She wants to be a reporter and had a terrible time in high school as the class nerd. All these things come together with incredible Hollywood-style synchronicity as she's given an undercover assignment in a high school, falls in love with her teacher, and becomes one of the "in" crowd due to the workings of her brother (David Arquette).

Aside from the fact that Drew's bubbly personality resembles a human Alka Seltzer tablet dropped in a glass of Mr. Pibb, she might have taken a moment to focus and insist that this movie's title be changed to "Attack of the High School Clichés." It's always a bad sign when somebody as good-looking as Leelee Sobieski shows up as a school nerd, dressed-down to look like she's doing research on underground sewer dwellers for her next role.

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