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****************************WARNING************************* This review will contain spoilers (As if the movie wasn't pretty much spoiled already.)
I have been able to stand some truly bad movies in my time, but I must say that this one is without a doubt the worst movie ever made. My apologies to Ed Wood and all other involved persons but Plan Nine from Outer Space is practically Star Wars when you compare it to this lame excuse for a motion picture.. The plot revolves around Abby (Madonna) and her gay friend Robert (Rupert Everett) raising their son together when paradise is interrupted by Abby's boyfriend Ben (Benjamin Bratt). The correct thing to do at this point is have Ben be charismatic yet evil and later, in the tradition of Thelma and Louise, killed off, because to be honest, that is the one storyline that would fit with Bratt's acting in this movie. What really happens is that when Ben and Abby decide to move and Robert sues for joint custody, Abby reveals that she lied to Robert and that their son's real father is some guy named Kevin (Michael Vartan). This development does not fit with any of the earlier action (such as the fact that Robert and Abby were not on good terms when she made the big announcement) due to the fact that it was pulled out of someone's, as Everett would probably put it, "arse". It also serves to turn the movie into what could only be called "Big Gay Daddy", forever answering the question "Is it possible to remake an Adam Sandler movie into something worse?" It is particularly interesting to note that the original "Big Daddy" has a far less disturbing take on the homosexual lifestyle. The film's one saving grace is the performance of Neil Patrick Harris as David, Robert's friend and the voice of reason throughout the otherwise horrible picture. Harris is the only one at all believable in his role, and somehow the red-dyed hair and dark stubble look works for him. It seriously figures that he's the one who "disappears".
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