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FROM: Lucerne, Switzerland
TO: Somewhere between St. Petersburg and Cairo, begob
Carr: Have no idea where you've taken yourself, cut out in the middle of the night, did you, just to avoid facing me. [STOP] Not only am I going to add the expense of my own ticket back to Zurich into the suit I'm filing against you, but you are going to pick up the tab for this telegram as well. [STOP] If you think it's expensive to have this many words, I haven't even begun, b'jasus! [STOP]
I managed to secure a passage without much trouble, thanks to Miss Goldman, who says she would have done the same for you if you hadn't been in such a hurry to try to manage it all yourself. [STOP] That crack-brained friend of yours, Reilly, by the way, sent his regards and said to tell you that he's laying fifty pounds a sensible girl like Miss Carruthers will never marry you. [STOP] If you have that kind of money to squander, I told him, would you be interested in helping me produce THE WAY OF THE WORLD in St. Petersburg before I leave, to raise some funds, said I would write in a special role for him as Charles II, he just laughed at me. [STOP]
But now that I'm back in Switzerland, justice will finally be done, begob. [STOP] I'm staying with a Baroness St. Leger at her Lucerne villa for a few days to see her murals of Ulysses and listen politely to her stories of personal dissipation and the seven husbands she's buried. [STOP] Outlandish stuff, but she's got money and influence. [STOP] You may well find yourself in court yet, Carr. [STOP]
By the way, your manservant Bennett's running things at the consulate a damned sight smoother than you ever did. [STOP] Letters go out on time, papers delivered smoothly, more champagne in the lobby than ever there was when you were there. [STOP] Gotten himself a good tailor as well, says he was tired of being kept on a short leash. [STOP] You may find that your superiors are impressed with him and asking just where their official consul is. [STOP]
I don't know where you're hiding, but will trust in the energy and resourcefulness of the Swiss mails to track you down. [STOP] That war business in Europe isn't going to cover your tracks forever, sooner or later you'll face a jury and pay up. [STOP] And I'm going to demand extra restitution for all the insulting variations on my name, b'jasus. [FULL STOP]
J. Joyce
p.s. Regards to the ladies. [STOP] Tell Miss Carr that the Baroness doesn't have half her stenographic skills.
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