Nine Months

Bomb Rating: 

Aside from the fact that I've had it up to here with Hugh Grant's version of the smarmy, but lovable, sophisticated English putz, this movie also inflicts the insipid Tom Arnold on us, who's decided that bothering Roseanne just wasn't enough of a life accomplishment.

The director is Chris Columbus who was responsible for those "Home Alone" movies with that beastly little child star who's so rich as a result that he hires Bill Gates to come clean the toilets in his four hundred room mansion.

Anyway, Chris Columbus's name on a film is like a huge sign on the highway that says: "death-defying chasm ahead -- keep driving." His idea of humor is that Hugh Grant acts like an imbecile for an hour-and-a-half while he tries to decide if he should commit to being a father even though his girlfriend, played by Julianne Moore, is already pregnant. Hugh gets hit on the head with a kite, punches out a stuffed dinosaur in a children's toy store, and has trouble saying the word "penis," because he's a stuffy, conservative English wimp. The final message of the movie is that men should grow up and be good fathers and not bail out on their pregnant girlfriends.

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