I love it when dull stories get resurrected as if the average moviegoer is some unobservant dolt who will just go see any old thing even if it’s regurgitated like minute-old baby bird food.

See, I seem to recall having to suffer through “Raising Helen” a few years ago. I remember this as though I had been shot. That movie was about an independent woman who has to take care of her sister’s kids after the sister is killed in a car accident. Lo and behold, “No Reservations” is about a career woman who’s thrust into the role of mommy after her sister dies in a car crash.

Kate (Catherine Zeta-Jones) is a renowned New York chef whose entire world is tightly controlled by her anal-retentive behavior. This, of course, requires a shrink (Bob Balaban), who provides the sort of intermittent, fatherly advice movie shrinks always provide.

When Kate’s sister dies, she becomes guardian to Zoe (Abigail Breslin), your typical semi-precocious ten-year-old who, when she gets past grieving the passing of her mother, provides the kind of guidance for her adult pals that movie ten-year-olds always provide. Zoe makes Kate realize that she just needs to let people in. You know, let people into that hard shell, open up, embrace life!

Of course, Kate, being the butt-ugly hag that she is, can’t get a decent man, so up pops Nick (Aaron Eckhart) to sweep her off her feet. Nick is hired by restaurant owner Paula (Patricia Clarkson) to fill in for Kate while Kate is figuring out what to do with Zoe.

Why is it always necessary for the professional woman to realize that in order for her life to be fulfilling, she requires a man? Kate is a perfectionist and very demanding. In other words, she’s a bitch. Nick is light-hearted and livens up things in the workplace. He makes whimsical dishes that appear to require no thought or preparation whatsoever. Nick is everything Kate is not.

During their first meal together, Kate (Catherine Zeta-Jones) feeds Zoe (Abigail Breslin) a fish head. Later on, Nick gives her spaghetti, because he sees right through everything. Now, given that Kate is a top chef, I'm sure the fish head tastes lovely, but what person in their right mind would even consider feeding a child a fish head? Oh gee, Kate is in her own little world and can't see the big picture. Oh gee, Kate is self-absorbed. If I had the choice between these kinds of movie metaphors and a bat to the face, I’d gladly take the bat.

For even the discriminating palate, “No Reservations” tastes like chicken.