06/14/03: Re: Nowhere in Africa Poll

Posted By: PsychoRabbit


1] What seems to be your favorite African animal?

That would be the African Elephant I guess. Hitler agreed with me on that one. It's the biggest and strongest animal and yet it is also vegetarian, like the late, great German dictator was.

2] Okay, the above question was rather insipid. Now for this question: What would you do if you suddenly inherited an entire African country? (all right, a crazy premise)

If it was very poor I would exploit it and become very rich. If it was rich in resources I would build a mighty army to REUNITE the African continent. Today Africa... Tomorrow, THE WORLD.

2] a] Would you become a despot? Would you become an enlightened ruler? What?

As enlightened as can be. The number of executions in my country would certainly not top that of Texas'. Physical torture would be practiced in the most restrained way, limited to those who really deserve it.

3] What did you think of all Tarzan movies, all the way from b/w to current color versions, including the Disney version?

The only good thing about the animated Tarzan was Phil Collin's songtitle. Okay, that's a bit harsh. Don't remember much of the old Johnny Weismuller movies. They were pretty decent.

4] Do you remember any African made movies? if so, what did you think? Do not worry about spoilers: there will be spoilers.

Tough one. I do remember a South-African film (made during Apartheid), about this white massa-type who goes into the desert with his bushman guide, they start fighting or whatever and then white man tries to kill his guide. The guide escapes and keeps his distance because his master has the gun. But master doesn't know shit about desert-survival and ends up getting roasted by the sun. Very realistic, horrible dying-scene. Suffice to say, the viewers' sympathies are with the bushman guide all the time. Pretty neat for any movie made during Apartheid. But a really entertaining series was 'Shaka Zulu'. Shot in South-Africa I think, but don't know if it was actually South-African production.

5] Other than those Tarzan flicks, what seemed to be a best African themed movie? 'African Queen'? What?

Any warmovie set in North Africa (WW II, French colonial war, etc).

6] What seemed to be the worst African themed movie? Do not answer if you are still trying to repress memories of that movie.

Okay.

7] Do you think that the Zulus may have been formidible warriors? I realize that those British weapons finally did in those Zulus.

WHADDAYA MEAN 'may have been'. Zulu warriors were the BEST! Never heard of the Battle of Isandlwana? Zulu warriors won a bloody victory over the British, killing over 1300 men. Only a handful escaped. The British military censored all news about the defeat and instead focused solely on the events at Rorke's Drift.

Within a fortnight of that toast, not one of the officers of the 1/24th who drank it was still alive; they lay dead in the whispering grass at the foot of a distinctive rocky outcrop, just a few miles across the border in Zululand, known as Isandlwana. Alongside them lay five officers of the 2/24th, and over 1300 British and allied troops, together with a thousand Zulus, and the carcasses of hundreds of slaughtered oxen, horses, mules and dogs. As one Zulu veteran commented years afterwards, “the green grass was red with the running blood and the veld was slippery, for it was covered with the brains and entrails of the killed”. Within a fortnight of that toast, not one of the officers of the 1/24th who drank it was still alive; they lay dead in the whispering grass at the foot of a distinctive rocky outcrop, just a few miles across the border in Zululand, known as Isandlwana. Alongside them lay five officers of the 2/24th, and over 1300 British and allied troops, together with a thousand Zulus, and the carcasses of hundreds of slaughtered oxen, horses, mules and dogs. As one Zulu veteran commented years afterwards, “the green grass was red with the running blood and the veld was slippery, for it was covered with the brains and entrails of the killed”.

8] The end of your journey into the darkest Africa. Thank you for flying Crankyland Airline and using Crankyland African Tours. Hope your souvenirs can pass the customs.

Same to you, bubba.


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