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It's about time for all of the knuckle-headed "Scream" knock-offs to knock it off. "Urban Legends: The Final Cut" has that distinctive sour smell of a subgenre simply begging to be put out of its misery. (You know the odor -- westerns and non-animated musicals have been oozing it for years.)
Enough with the "we're clever because we acknowledge that this genre is cheesy within our movie" junk. It's not clever anymore -- it's just plain cliché now. And if you want to know the truth, I believe horror was much more interesting when homicidal maniacs like Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers and Freddy Krueger were running around in the shadows with an aura of the supernatural surrounding them.
Now every slasher flick has to be some stupid "whodunit?" murder mystery in which the writer screams at us "You idiot! You should have known it was this hoodlum behind the whole thing all along!" Well, don't I feel like a fool now? I couldn't guess that Professor Plum did it with a machete in the parlor despite the overwhelming abundance of evidence such as his father being the nephew of the postal carrier for all the victims' best friends -- a fact that was not revealed until the killer was dead. I don't see how I could have missed that.
Worse than that, this movie takes a few pages from the virtual reality craze (particularly "eXistenZ") and attempts to fool us into believing several of the movie shoots are actually real (and vice versa). If it sounds confusing, you're wrong: it's just plain dumb.
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Allow me to interrupt my own review and ask the question -- what the hell was the point in making a sequel to a movie nobody cared much for anyway? And why fill up the cast with a bunch of unknowns? What, is Joshua Jackson really THAT busy that he can't do the sequel? I know "The Skulls" and "Disturbing Behavior" were runaway successes and everything...
I've never seen so many TEENS walk out of a free screening before. That's how lousy this movie is -- even the target audience members were clawing their eyes out. And this is proof that maybe that federal report about rated-R movies has a point. I mean, this movie could be thoroughly entertaining only to 13-year-olds, who aren't even old enough to buy a ticket to see it. And I apologize to all 13-year-olds out there for that remark. This isn't even campy fun -- I could spend hours telling what all was wrong with this 100 minute movie but what would be the point? None of you except Parca is going to see this piece of crap so I'd be arguing with myself! (I'm sure Parca will love it, though. He'll find some way to justify his enjoyment of this pointless bloodfest.) I mean, if the killer wearing a fencer mask, if Anthony Anderson's presence, if the "Blair Witch" homage (or whatever it is), if the dumbass "your father screwed me over that's why I must kill" twist at the end doesn't convince you to stay away from this movie...
...then I guess this movie was meant for you!
By the way -- how come the first film was called "Urban Legend" (no "s") and the second one is called "Urban LegendS 2/Final Cut" (plural)? Is there any real reason why the second one needs to be pluralized?
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