Old School

Bomb Rating: 

Just when you thought the well of statutory rape humor had run dry.

This movie is about the saddest thing I've ever seen. Three thirtysomething guys are not handling that whole "life" thing very well, and decide to regress to their collegiate past, when they were ostensibly not such tremendous losers. Mitch (Luke Wilson) rents himself a house in the college district after he discovers that his girlfriend has been sleeping with most of the personals section. Frank (Will Farrell) is quick to join the household when his marriage goes instantly awry, and Beanie (Vince Vaughn), apparently pining for the good old days of secret handshakes and gang rape, seizes on this opportunity to turn the home into an official fraternity house.

Despite the fact that Mitch, Frank and Beanie have to work around a few annoying adult obligations - jobs, wives, children, that sort of thing - they're quick to abandon their dull suburban existence in favor of steeping in faded college glory. The only thing more pathetic would be them sleeping with high school girls. Oh wait, that happens too -- and just when you thought the well of statutory rape humor had run dry. Its frat house premise established, the movie's progression comes to a screeching halt, and we pretty much run the table with a series of ill-conceived skits in which Will Farrell stumbles around in an inebriated fashion performing an extended version of his George W. Bush impression.

Also appearing is Craig Kilborn, the talk show host whose late night time slot is for naught since no amount of alcohol, marijuana or toxic inhalants is sufficient to render his smug, unfunny presence tolerable. Hollywood straw poll: Does anyone think Craig Kilborn is funny besides Craig Kilborn? (And don't cite Kilborn's agent, because he's paid to think Kilborn is funny.) Kilborn's appearance in this movie sucked the funny not just from his scenes, but also from previous scenes, subsequent scenes and concurrent scenes happening in neighboring theaters. In fact, his appearance made the entirety of film history just that much less funny. Thankfully, Craig's is a brief part that doesn't necessarily call for humor, which is why the studio's insurance company finally relented to granting him the role.

Another problem with "Old School" is that while it delivers some of the promised T&A, the "A" consists of way, way, WAY too much man ass. And ladies, before you celebrate this as a victory for equal time and stampede to the theater with your dollar bills in hand, be warned that we're not talking Chippendales-style man ass -- we're talking flabby, droopy, pockmarked, acne-scarred, one-cheek-hanging-visibly-lower-than-the-other man ass. In other words, Will Farrell man ass. Add to this celluloid ass casserole a few shots of 70-year-old-guy man ass and 400-lb-black-guy man ass, and suddenly you realize that director Todd "Road Trip" Phillips isn't dipping into this well for shock value, but for inspiration. Todd Phillips has at last found his muse.

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Worst. Cast. Ever.

gamerarocks's picture

and the only surprise is that Adam Sandler and/or Ben Stiller aren't in the worst cast ever.

One out of four people is freakishly stupid. If three of your friends are normal, then it's you.

 

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