On the Line

Bomb Rating: 

I have no idea who James Lance Bass or Joey Fatone are, but apparently they're key members of Boyz II Men or Menudo or the Teletubbies something. Frankly, I really don't care. Let's face it, the bulk of their fans think of them in a way that any equitable reaction on their part would require an extended prison term.

Since Bass could sleep with any teenage girl on the planet, it stands to reason he should star in a movie where he can't get a date because he's afraid to ask a woman for her phone number. This allows all those pimply, ugly girls to think they might have a chance with Bass -- that the only reason he hasn't called them to invite them out for a romantic day of shrieking at the mall is that he's just really shy. Kevin (Bass) meets just such a woman in Abbey (Emmanuelle Chriqui) on the L in Chicago. Incidentally, Abbey is so beautiful that men get seizures just from looking at her, but she dates a guy who treats her like dog poo.

Without knowing much about Abbey other than she likes things he likes and does things he does, Kevin decides that she's the love of his life and he begins putting up fliers to find her after he forgets to ask for her number on the L. A newspaper guy finds the flyer and writes a story on Kevin. Then, his friends, including Rod (Fatone), GQ (Gregory Qaium) and Randy (James Bulliard), help him out by dating all the women that begin to call.

The entirety of this movie's humor comes from the astoundingly creative decision to give Rod the dreaded "farter" quirk. That's right, Rod farts, makes funny sounds with his anus, and all the other characters comment on what an inconsiderate mule he is. I noticed that all the teenage girls in my theater found this really amusing, indicating that farting is high on their list of things to experience vicariously via cinema. As usual, those Menudo kids really have their fingers on the pulse of their audience. Who would have thought that a movie could fart in teenage America's face and have teenage America clamor for more?

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