Open Water

Bomb Rating: 

Since people are so stupid, it's not surprising that the film is based on a real incident.

Ever since "The Blair Witch Project," every asshole with access to a digital camera has been trying to think up compelling, cheap ways to make another horror movie with a ridiculously simple concept.

Well, congratulations to director Chris Kentis, because you're the new asshole. Kentis's genius idea is that husband and wife, Daniel (Daniel Travis) and Susan (Blanchard Ryan), go on a diving trip and are left behind by the boat. That's pretty much it. The only problem is that Kentis insists on setting up all kinds of crap that has virtually nothing to do with the thirty minutes he spends with Susan and Daniel alone, in the middle of the ocean, which is the only interesting thing about the film.

Okay, we damn well know that they're going to get left in the middle of the ocean, so I don't need to see the diving instructor checking off people on his little expedition list because I already know he's not going to count Susan and Daniel. What I couldn't figure out is how everyone else on the boat doesn't notice they're missing. There's no way that many people are so clueless and since we don't see any drugs or alcohol on the boat, there's no excuse that one of them shouldn't notice that "hey, the quiet couple didn't come back with us." There's got to be a better reason than just missing them.

I'm also not interested in any tension between the two prior to even going on the boat. I suppose the nude shot of Ryan lying in bed gives the movie some value, but once she goes hot-then-cold on her husband, claiming she's suddenly "not in the mood", the film starts screaming "amateur psychology" like Geraldo Rivera covering the Scott Peterson trial.

Once Susan and Daniel are abandoned, Kentis tries to build tension by having them bicker about who's at fault and why like some sixth-grader writing his first short story. Since people are so stupid, it's not surprising that the film is based on a real incident (or incidents probably), but frankly, I didn't really care what happened to Susan and Daniel. The bad taste in the sharks' mouths probably paled in comparison to the taste in mine.

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