Open Your Eyes

Bomb Rating: 

This is sort of like the Spanish version of "The Matrix," which means that if you imagine the confusion of "The Matrix" combined with a foreign language, you get some appreciation for the level of control I had to exert to keep from slamming my head into the floor.

The film follows this guy named César who's got just about everything going for him: he's good-looking, he's got tons of money, he gets the hot chicks. Unfortunately, this doesn't stop him from scamming on Sofia (Penélope Cruz), the girl his buddy, Pelayo (Fele Martinez) brings to his birthday party. Pelayo isn't as good-looking as César so apparently César feels this gives him the right snatch Pelayo's woman, which he does, under the guise that his old girlfriend, Nuria (Najwa Nimri) is after him.

César could have been a better friend to Pelayo by asking him to eat his belly button lint. Since a lot more of us are Pelayos than Césars, it's a cheering occasion when Nuria tries to kill César by driving off the road.

This is when the film gets totally out of control. One second César has a messed up face and the next second he doesn't. Suddenly he's calling Sofia Nuria and Nuria Sofia and doesn't know who is who or what is what. Frankly, I'm surprised the subtitles didn't appear in Japanese given the sense things made. Naturally, César comes up with the answer that everybody these days comes up with when their life is totally screwed up: "I must be living in a virtual reality." For a change, this worked for me just fine because the film ended promptly after that.

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