The Out-of-Towners

Bomb Rating: 

This is one of those movies where many ridiculous and unlikely things happen to one dullard couple during a very short time span. To makes matters worse, the couple, Henry and Nancy Clark (Steve Martin, Goldie Hawn) are simultaneously so stupid and so cheery that when bad things happen to them, they respond with that blinking incomprehension that invites more bad things. Unfortunately, none of these things involve a bowl of acid or ravenous pit bulls.

Basically, I sat through the entire film thinking: What the hell is wrong with these mutants? Nancy decides to get on a plane with Henry at the last second (wonder how much that ticket cost?) to go to New York. She gets seated ten rows aft and commences blithering to him over people's heads. Later, she passes him some skin ointment, being certain to inform the man in the next seat of the glistening rash throbbing beneath her husband's scrotum.

When they land, their luggage doesn't come out of the baggage claim, so advertising executive genius Henry walks up the belt and hollers into the Magic Hole to explain what his bag looks like. In their rental car, the heater won't stop blasting. When Nancy rolls down the windows, Henry says, "It's freezing outside," so they roll them back up and take a break from establishing Cold Fusion to peel off their clothes.

As far as I was concerned, these misadventures simply weren't violent enough. People this dumb deserve much worse; let's watch them take a walk on the wild side. What if Goldie Hawn accidentally changed places with a woman going in for a sex change and woke up with a penis? How about if the jailed Martin, who receives a tab of LSD from a fellow prisoner, got syphilis instead? What if they were covered with soot in some wacky garbage incident, then were both shot dead by the NYPD for jaywalking? While you're watching this film, please keep in mind what a famous author once said: When you sympathize with stupidity, you start thinking like an idiot.

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