Palookaville

Bomb Rating: 

This is one big colossal nothing of a movie.

This is one big colossal nothing of a movie. First-time director Alan Taylor might as well have made a film based on bowel movements or some other form of involuntary human action for all the complexity he's allowed his characters. The movie is slow. The people are boring. The story is nonexistent.

The filmmakers try to explain away this fiasco as inspired by a volume of short stories by Italo Calvino called "Ultimo viene il corvo." This strikes me as the ultimate escape hatch. Anybody who says his work was "inspired" by somebody famous protects himself from being charged as a "complete idiot" because it carries the connotation of being well-read and intelligent. Critics are then supposed to think twice before labeling the guy an idiot: "Well, at least he was inspired."

Well, I thought about this three times and the answer "idiot" came up each time like gold bars in a lucky slot machine. Three New Jersey friends, Sid (William Forsythe), Russ (Vincent Gallo) and Jerry (Adam Trese) turn to a life of crime because it's essentially their best career option. The most interesting thing about Sid is that he has two dogs. The most interesting thing about Jerry is that he's married to an African-American. The most interesting thing about Russ is that he still lives at home and his brother-in-law is a policeman.

Now that you know these things, trust me: You'll learn nothing more from this film other than how truly unbearable ninety minutes can actually be.