Piglet's Big Movie

Bomb Rating: 

Let there be no doubt that the entire Winnie-the-Pooh franchise is little more than a covert psychosexual universe dominated by perverse creatures each representing some form of acute sexual dysfunction.

Let there be no doubt that the entire Winnie-the-Pooh franchise is little more than a covert psychosexual universe dominated by perverse creatures each representing some form of acute sexual dysfunction.

Let's take the subject of this film first: Piglet. Referred to by the studio itself as "the little pink guy," can there be any doubt that Piglet is a thinly-veiled euphemism for that most shunned of Hollywood problems -- the small penis? Obviously, the small penis can take on many forms, not just the most literal interpretation of a man whose sexual organ is tiny and purposeless. In Hollywood, a small penis, or the reference to such, can signal a man who is incapable of making risky decisions or will never rise to a level of success worthy of respect. The whole concept that such a man is worthy of respect, or that a man with an exceedingly small sexual unit should be looked upon as anything more than a freakish, inhuman, malfunctioning creature of God, is intimately wrapped up in this film, for it is not merely called "Piglet's Movie," but "Piglet's Big Movie." Furthermore, the Pooh universe takes place in the "100 Acre Wood." Given that an acre is a unit of land mass considered rather large and "wood" a well-accepted euphemism for an erection, the creatures' attempts to explore this area represents a search for fantastic-yet-unattainable levels of sexual fulfillment. Each dreams of that mystical, large erection. Sadly, such a thing can never be achieved and the movie's stated purpose for Piglet, that he will be "useful" and "respected," never really transpires.

And what of the story's most central character: Winnie-the-Pooh? He is clearly an anal association, a symbol of the surprisingly common dysfunction of defecating during sex. The Journal of Sexual Dysfunction noted recently that among those "engaged in the film industry," an astounding 73% experienced "some form of bowel release during sexual intercourse." In the parlance of underground Hollywood, this has become known as a "Winnie the Pooh," an obvious and rather pathetic attempt to put a positive spin on a profoundly embarrassing act. In the movie's own language, this connection is emphasized when Pooh renames "Pooh Corner," "Pooh and Piglet Corner," thus linking one dysfunction with another and indicating that Piglet can only achieve "usefulness" and "respect" within the confines of his dysfunctional circle of friends. Furthermore, it's important to remember that Winnie the Pooh is a bear who walks around with no pants on. He represents, for all intents and purposes, the castrated male, as he has no sexual organs. If Piglet symbolizes the penis, then "Pooh and Piglet" corner is the reconnection of the castrated man with his disassociated member and the triumph over sexual dysfunction.

This fear of sexual dysfunction and the attempts to process its various outcomes are also revealed through the film's lone female character: Kanga. Kanga, who is a kangaroo, is a source of fear amongst the five central characters: Pooh, Piglet, Rabbit, Eyeore and Tigger. The reason? They witness Roo entering Kanga's pouch. The source of their fear is obvious: witnessing a female for the first time, the revelation of a perceived cavity where one might disappear proves to be too overwhelming, precisely because each of the characters represents some dysfunction that guarantees failure in that area. The size of the hole within the female exposes the male characters' fear that their manhood might be lost inside. Each knows that entering the cavity would be fraught with danger: Pooh (bowel movement), Piglet (small penis), Rabbit (erectile dysfunction associated with age), Eyeore (slow mental process) and Tigger (premature ejaculation) all find the prospect daunting. Ultimately, the only reason they accept Kanga as a member of the 100 Acre Wood is because she's the mother of Roo. Were Roo not present to establish the link between the pouch and parenthood, it's likely that Winnie the Pooh and friends would have raped Kanga and thrown her mangled body in a hole somewhere.

Parents may wish to reconsider whether Winnie the Pooh is suitable entertainment for their children.

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  • Special guest reviewer: Mr. Smiley!

    Mr.

great site man

machete bill's picture

thanks a lot.

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