Bomb Rating: 

What the hell is wrong with this guy, Roberto Benigni? It would take an awful lot to convince me he isn't constantly smoking crack. Kids with ADD watch this guy and fall into a coma.

Benigni plays Pinocchio, the puppet who dreamed of becoming a boy. For those of you who only know him as that guy who went nuts at the Academy Awards a few years ago after winning for "Life is Beautiful," imagine watching his freakishly bizarre acceptance dance for 110 minutes, because that's what Benigni's version of "Pinocchio" is like. The only time he doesn't appear blitzed out of his mind on some super-stimulant is when he's staring at the Blue Fairy, who happens to be played by his wife, Niccoleta Braschi. I think you'll notice she has a very sad look in her eye that seems to say, "What the fuck did I do to my life?"

Benigni's version of acting is to scream like a maniac. Virtually every single line he delivers is at some audible level that would drown out the sound at a Metallica concert. I mean, Jesus, I even tried turning down the volume on my stereo to its lowest level and just the tone of his speech was vibrating the walls.

One can only hope that his incessant screeching will leave enough of an aural aftertaste to ensure we're not subjected to another Benigni film anytime soon.

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