Random Hearts

Bomb Rating: 

The best thing about this movie is that Sydney Pollack had the sense not to inject it with songs from Alanis Morissette or Courtney Love or some other hairy-pitted female crooner. I don't need to be assaulted every five minutes with grating lyrics that describe precisely the emotions of the characters and what's going on around them. However, if Pollack opted to do this, the songs from the "Random Hearts" soundtrack might look something like this:

  • "Crash My Plane Into the Ocean of Your Heart" - Jewel
  • "My Wife is Dead but I Like You Better Anyway" - Sarah McLachlan
  • "Your Love is Like a Fundraiser" - Britney Spears
  • "Our Lovers Were Cheaters" - Bonnie Raitt
  • "Ain't Nothin' Like a Wet Congresswoman" - Shania Twain

Sgt. Dutch Van Den Broeck's (Harrison Ford) wife and congresswoman Kay Chandler's (Kristin Scott Thomas) husband were having an affair. On their way to Miami for some hot sex, the adulterous couple's plane crashes. Dutch finds out, seeks Kay for some answers, and they end up getting it on. I'm pretty sure Kay screws him because of the earring he wears. Personally, I couldn't get over Ford's bit of jewelry. What genius. I think the costume designer should get an Oscar for that.

This movie is a lost cause after Dutch figures out what happened to his wife, because that's essentially the movie. After that, we get to watch Dutch work out his psychological distress by staring at Kay like a dog stares at a bowl of raw meat while tied to a leash that doesn't quite reach. Ask yourself how this movie would function if Dutch weren't a cop, and you get right to the core of every problem it has. Ultimately, the story is written so the characters' conveniently chosen professions can enable a facile solution. No wonder this script sat around being rewritten for 15 years.

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