Ready to Rumble

Bomb Rating: 

Let's face it -- David Arquette's name on a film is an open invitation for me to douse my naked body in honey and run into the bear cage at the local zoo. This guy is so stupid that he has to study to play a moron. He's the only guy in the world who considers the phrase "brain injury" an oxymoron.

Presumably, this film is meant to appeal to those who like wrestling. The irony here is that for those people, going to see "Ready to Rumble" is like giving yourself a kick in your own ass. Does David Arquette somehow add legitimacy to professional wrestling? Of course not. He's there because he's a moron and because people who watch wrestling are morons. There's an insult in there somewhere. I know this is like Where's Waldo for some of you, but it's there. Trust me.

To make matters worse, Oliver Platt plays the King, the wrestler Gordie (Arquette) and Sean (Scott Caan) help regain the title he loses when he's ambushed by a host of other wrestlers including Dallas Dinkus Page, King Can Bundy, and Sid Viscous. These guys keep asserting they're athletes, so how does Oliver Platt lend any legitimacy to that?

Adding to further quality problems is Rose McGowan, who plays an Envitro girl named Sasha. This is an actress who conveys all the sincerity of a stripper with an overdue mortgage. Then there's aging wrestler Sal Bandini (Martin Landau). If Landau were any older he'd be compost. I hope it's not any surprise that I would rather have filled a bidet with piranha and sat in it for a few hours than watch this.

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