Rumble in the Bronx

Bomb Rating: 

Americans take great joy in watching people of other nationalities beat the crap out of each other.

Ah, New York City: the motorcycle gangs, the crime, the shootings. Ah, New York City: the mountains, the water-skiing, the street-bound hovercrafts? Nothing like a little geography mix-up to give your film that sense of authenticity. It's one thing for the filmmakers and director Stanley Tong to cut to an spliced shot of the Big Apple to keep us thinking that their latest Jackie Chan movie is actually taking place in New York. It's quite another to have Jackie and the bad guys running around on a pier with mountains visible in the background. I guess "Rumble in Vancouver" didn't quite have the right ring to it.

"Jackie! Those mounties took my beaver pelts and cursed at me in french. Get them!" Since Jackie was in Vancouver in the first place, why not have him beat up Canadians? He would have garnered a much bigger box-office take since Americans take great joy in watching people of other nationalities beat the crap out of each other. Jackie could have destroyed socialized health care while he was at it and elicited enthusiastic cheers from millions of Americans, who, as a general rule, resent any country where poor people actually have access to health care.

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