Among "Safe Men's" toxic elements is a monologue by Harvey Fierstein that lasts a good five minutes. Here are the things I'd rather do than listen to Harvey talk for five minutes:

1. Overdose on Viagra and then run naked through a lesbian pride parade screaming, "You want a phallic symbol? Here's your phallic symbol!"

2. Coat my testicles in peanut oil and then have somebody throw me in a cage with several hundred rabid squirrels.

3. Mingle with Shriners.

Frankly, this is one of those movies you see and then two days later you can't remember what it's about or that you even saw it at all. Watching "Safe Men" is a ticket to instant amnesia, leaving you nothing more than seven dollars poorer and two hours closer to death.