It's one thing to make a movie for kids. It's quite another to make a movie for stupid kids. In other words, it's one thing to decide that you respect the intelligence of children and are willing to challenge them a little bit. It's another to decide that making sure that every dumb ass little knee biter will get the plot of your film even if there's nothing really to get is more important than even a modicum of intelligence.

Let me give a simple, yet illustrative example. Jack Frost (Martin Short), in his attempt to take over the North Pole, freezes Lucy's parents (Judge Reinhold, Wendy Crewson). However, he doesn't freeze Lucy (Liliana Mumy). He just tells Lucy to get in the closet where he's put her parents. Now, why does he do this? He does it because the writers know that Lucy must get out of the closet later on to tell somebody that her parents are frozen. The writers are actually too lazy to come up with another way to have that happen - and this in a movie with magic in it. I mean, Christ, Lucy could have swallowed the magic unfreezing berry earlier in the movie and that could have explained her emergence from the closet. Maybe somebody plays a Melissa Etheridge tune and she hears it. Something! It would have been more creative than what transpires.

Actually, I'm not even sure there were real writers on this film. It feels more like it was written by a producer who was just trying to move things along. How to explain that Santa's (Tim Allen) in-laws don't realize they're in the North Pole or that Scott is really Santa? When Alan Arkin finally has to show surprise that he's in the North Pole and that his son-in-law is Santa, he delivers the lines like a machine at a casting call. It's horribly painful and the Oscar-winning Arkin looks like he wants to die, but he gives that half smile like he's also saying "you have no idea how much they paid me for this."

It's also apparent to me that when a movie features Martin Short, the filmmakers have all but given up. Martin Short plays Martin Short. Every performance he gives is like watching him do an impression of Judy Garland, which I think he did once, but I can no longer tell the difference between the impression and the real Martin Short.

Incidentally, in case you were wondering (and I'm sure you weren't), the escape clause states that "if Santa says he no longer wants to be Santa in front of his magic snow globe he will travel back in time and be given the opportunity not to put on the suit." Seriously. That was somebody's idea for a third "Santa Clause" movie.

Like I said, there's no sign of intelligence anywhere in this movie. You'd be better off celebrating Christmas by chopping off a finger.