Saving Silverman

Bomb Rating: 

This film caused the kind of pain I'd normally associate with being shot through the thigh by a rusty nail from a high-powered nail gun.

This film caused the kind of pain I'd normally associate with being shot through the thigh by a rusty nail from a high-powered nail gun or having to tear my penis off the top of the toilet seat because I'd accidentally super glued it there (not that either of those things has ever happened to me).

If you've ever smoked grass and then spent five minutes trying to explain what you thought was the most hysterical event experienced in the history of mankind to somebody who didn't experience it, this wave of realization eventually washes over you that 1) Not only was the event in question not the funniest in the history of mankind, it's debatable whether it was funny at all and 2) The person you're trying to make appreciate the hilarity of this event is starting to give you a look as though you were trying to stuff their baby's head into a toaster oven.

I think that adequately describes the look on my face as I watched this disaster of a film, most of which, I'm positive, was improvised. Somebody said, "Hey, Steve Zahn and Jack Black, you seem like pretty funny guys, here's the outline of an idea we had. Be funny." Lo and behold, the discovery was made that Steven Zahn and Jack Black could indeed be funny, but only for a few seconds between spans of bleakness, in terms of film time, seem akin to the amount of time it took for the polar ice caps to expand and recede again. The thin story has Darren Silverman (Jason Biggs) falling for the wrong woman, Judith (Amanda Peet). Mortified, his childhood buddies Wayne (Zahn) and J.D. (Black) decide to kidnap Judith and set Darren up with Sandy.

This script must have been written between trips to the john. However, I guess if you ever wanted to see R. Lee Ermey (the mean guy from "Full Metal Jacket") pull down his pants and take a crap in broad daylight, you may have found true love.

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